Hurrah.

Remember, hopefully all 33 readers will, that I reported Laptop LoTW was suffering, like must of the Celtic team, from Hessellinkitis. Yes? Well, it has made a full recovery despite being told by this bunch of McCunist's that it's career was over.

So, from the ashes, like Bawwy(8), but wie mair purpose and wieoot the knee-ouch, it means LoTW will return to it's (ir)regular self-"Boo" cry 33 readers- and the blogs will, hopefully, be shorter- "Hurrah!!" cry 33 readers.

In celebration of this and in light of the Tartan Urmies embarrassing fixation wie Diego Maradona's Argentina, I'm bowling you a wee brain teaser to test if 1) any of you have brains and 2) or any of you are auld enough to know the answer.

Diego Maradona's Argentina played a worthless friendly at Hampden in 1990. Name the Celtic players that played in the worthless 1-0 Scotland win.

Huns Go Into Permarage Over The Tims In Black.

When Paul Hartley is not fronting a sub-standard Chilli-Peppers wannabe stoner surfer types he is scoring late goals for Celtic in dodgy 2-1 victories over Plucky Relegated Hamilton. Highlights or lowlights are here.

"It was a crucial time," said Zico while laughing at the FACT that LoTW didnae mention him in the ex-playerism as he used to play for Plucky Relegated Hamilton, "It was the last few minutes of the game and I played a one-two with Scott Brown and managed to strike it very well. Thankfully it went in." So were all of The Hoops who were glad to see Celtic scoring their 12th goal this season in the last 15 mins of games.

It was also the 16th time under WGS that we have come from behind to win cames in the final minutes and this season it's the second time we have came from a goal down to win a game. It's also only the 2nd time this season we have lost the opening goal but...this time we cameback to win.

The game did change on a dodgy decision though. This time the M.I.B called the decision correctly, free kick and sending off, but his assistant M.I.B told him it was a pen, which Nakamura buried wie ease despite heavy strapping on his knee.

Plucky Relegated Hamilton boss, Billy Reid, boaked on his broon brogues while shouting: "TV evidence has proved it was outside the box, but that's the way it has been for us. When we played Rangers recently Kris Boyd scored an offside goal and that went against us. Two weeks ago Chris Porter scored and was clearly offside. I hear and read so much about decisions going against teams and it is definitely going against Hamilton at the moment."

It's true that when yer pishing in the wind wie, no wins in 8, then it's odds on that yer pish will end up on yer dress trousers. Plucky Relegated Hamilton are now finding that out.

WGS gloated: "I just know it's a penalty. Football can be harsh at times. I've been on the end of harsh decisions and you have to deal with it." We will have to deal wie it as well as in the coming months I can see decisions now going against us on the behest of the meeja.

On the poor performance WGS said:"I thought Hamilton were terrific. Their performance in the first half especially was excellent and we didn't have enough in our locker to break them down. They had plenty of energy and we had to do something at half-time to make it better. We did that and things were better in the second half."

Oor stats of 9 shots on and 5 shots of target gie us the impression of a battering. The 50% possession stat shows just how close it came to all going pear-shaped before Gretna last season peered into view. M.I.A awards go to Shaun Maloney, Andy Hinkel, Mark Wilson and Cillian Sheridan. Scott Brown was quiet and Paul Hartley was MOTM by the length of the M74.

But we can't complain. We are unbeaten in 10 games. We have scored 29 goals in a period. The team have kept on winning while being on their arses wie Hessellinkitis. We have only had 2 dodgy performances during that winning run and they were at Inversenkie and Plucky Relegated Hamilton.

All's guid eh?

Tims In Shorts.

Paul Caddis, has seen his pre-season promise disappear but it husnae stopped him wanting a 1st team start. He said of his opperchancity this week by captaining Scotland's U21: "This is another chance to impress my club manager. Every game you play you're going to be watched, so you want to impress. Playing in international football you are playing against the best, so it's a chance to impress my club manager."

Yes, playing in a meek 3-1 defeat to Norn Iron, hardly the best international side in the world, is bound to impress a watching manager.

Andy Hinkel, who when he is not singing 6th form poetry, fronting Radiohead Buckley wannabees, while walking along a beach looking for surfer stoner dudes to hit wie a baseball bat, he is doing an impression of a German Internationlist right back for us. On the worthless friendly Germany are playing against them he said: "" I am happy to have been called up by the coach", before adding in the vain hope of getting a game: "I reckon several German players are injured" while jumping up and down wie his hand in the air.

Gary Caldwell, who returned to the 'Heid and Hoof' form on Sunday, said of playing against Diego Maradona's Argentina: "We took this game on to get a big match and a good atmosphere," forgetting that the match has bombed and the only atmosphere will be created by the Diego sitting in the stands.

"It will be great to be involved. You play football to play against the best players and Argentina have got them." added Heid but Barry Robson disnny seem to think so as he has decided to gie the worthless friendly a miss wie put on tight hamstring-ouch. 

Rumour O'Filter

The already boring saga of an over the hill left back looking for a last payday took another twist wie his Mr 15% saying: "He is adored by the fans, he adores them and he loves being at a huge club like Barca. I'd say it's far more likely he will look at his situation in June."

I'm sure Bolton and Wigan are watching the situation.

The first fantasy signing rumour of the season. Craig Bellamy is rumoured to be wanted to join the long list of strikers we will have injured in the run-in. A Celtic source has said: "He has his eye on Bellamy and wants to make a move in January. Gordon has worked with Bellers before so knows all about his controversial nature. But he believes he can get the best out of him and give him the chance to win trophies and play at the highest possible level in the Champions League again.'

He called him Bellars..this is happening.

So that's it. I'm off to scream "Bellamy, Bellamy, Bellammmmmyyyy" for a few hours and then settle down and watch my Doctor Who box set. I'm sure the 23.76% of LoTWites, who have completed "World Of War Craft" will now be geekified on "Football Manager" for the foreseeable.

 Stark, McAvennie 3, McGhee 3 and Miller.

Hail Hails are open.

Thanks to ndcsc for the Plucky Relegated Hamilton picture.

Wow.

What a week. A week that has rocked the foundations of Celtic Fitba' Club. Yes, this week the Celtic PLC sunk to a new low. Aboot 30mins into the 1st half on Wednesday night the Timbotron had an advert for the Egg-Chasing in Embra this weekend. It's shameful that they think the normal 'Tic fan would be interested in Egg-Chasing* but wanting us to spend oor hard earned giros in salt and sauce land is a step too far.

What do you mean Celtic have been banning fans for taking part in a peaceful, some would say misguided, protest? Oh, disclaimer it's seems they haven't, so make up yer own mind.

Integrity and Dignity

It's all as murky as Walter Nosurname claiming that M.I.B Flagwaver Timmy Murphy has it in for The Huns. Nosurname said: "the stand-side linesman Mr Murphy... had one of those last season and gave an offside Scott McDonald goal." showing no sign of bitterness whatsoever. LoTW awaits the SFA/SPL summons, delivered by winged monkey, arriving at Ipox wie bated breath. Strange Nosurname never mentioned the offside call they got at New Douglas Park wie the same gusto.

Hunnarism Is Catching.  

After, Bernie's pitch to become the spokesman for the RST another contender put his beannie hat in the ring. The Saint Of Good Causes, Bono, was presenting an award to the man who wrote "The Frog Chorus" and "Mull Of Kintyre", which is better than the shite MTV show 24 hours a day now.

Anyway, he decided to pro-claim that Liverpool was the "capital of Eastern Ireland" and that popular beat combo "The Beatles" would have been Irish if it "wasn't for the potato famine". LoTW wonders if this is the first example of reserve famine songism?

One Man Went To Mo, Went To Mo A Sheridan.

Celtic beat, First Division Team In Waiting, The Marnocks, 3-0, a scoreline predicted by LoTW, wie goals from Cillian Sheridan, here,here and the usual goal from 'Marnockskelper Shunsuke Nakamura. WGS was impressed by a fringe player who looked like he was being packed to Sampdoria in the summer.

"I thought that was the right kind of game for him", gushed WGS, confirming what LoTW thought that Massimo Donati could only play in games so one-sided the pitch was in danger of tipping over, "...his performances in training have been absolutely fantastic": pointed oot WGS as if he needed to confirm Mo-Do's inclusion shoulnae have been a surprise.

3 points, 9 wins in a row and now 4 points clear after losing the league, according to the meeja, at the end of August. "We've won 9 SPL games in a row and in that time we have had to play Big Cup games and Diddy Cup games and have had to deal with that", smirked WGS before adding :"So the players can be pleased wie themselves".

It was a game that we were so far in front even at 1-0 it was comfortable. Future Scotland Manager, Jim Jeffries, again, proved his ineptness when playing a decent team. This lead to Celtic being slack in the final third of the field.

Cillian Sheridan continued his road to graduating wie honours from the Craig Beattie School of Strikers Bobby Lennox Castle Branch. 2 goals, taking his tally to 3 in his flirtation wie the first 11, and a performance that really did nothing to say he has what it takes.

WGS said aboot Cillian:"I couldn't have asked for anything more, it was a terrific performance. When he came here to Celtic, he was raw but there was something about him. We've realised that he is an intelligent lad that takes things in". He is still raw and one thing the masses seem to think that he does not seem to have natural fitba' intelligence. To learn this he needs games. To get games he will need to go oot on loan when Hessellinkitis clears up.

Wednesday, produced 60.3% possession stat wie 9 shots on and 6 shots off target. First Division team in waiting, The 'Marnocks, did not register a shot on goal. Celtic's last 2 goals came in the 75 and 84th mins. This means we have now score 11 goals in the final 15 minutes of games this season.

Rumour O'Fliter

Sylvinho, the 34yo ex-Arsenal and now Barca reserve, has opened his heart on a dream move, which will see him fufill a dream to play in Paisley and Inverness. He said: "It was mentioned to me in August that Celtic were interested in me, but back then I was not comtemplating leaving Barca". Sounds like he now is.

Austrian Marc Janko has been linked to take Cillian Sheridan place on the Celtic bench. The Red Bull Salzburg striker is attracting attention from big hitters such as Udinese, Sampdoria, Genoa and Espanyol. He has scored 20 goals in 16 games this season and at 6ft 5in seems he is maybe viewed as Jan Vennegor's younger fitter brother.

Dundee Hibs Polish number 1, whose parents where such massive Kate Bush fans they changed their name by deed poll in her honour, Lukasz Zaluska, will maybe sign a pre-contract in January to sit on the bench until Artur leaves.

Will It Be All Academic?

Relegated Hamilton Accies welcome Celtic to Hamilton for the first time since season 1988/89. That game ended wie The Hoops winning 8-0 and for some fun let's see how many of the 33 readers can name the goalscorers?

That version of Douglas Park is now a supermarket so New Douglas Park is where the Bhoys will try and make it 10 in a row and hopefully it won't end up cherrio to 10 in a row. It would be a major shock if Relegated Hamilton stopped their drop to the 1st division and end thier 8 game run wieoot a win by beating 9 in a row Celtic.

As before future playerism comes in the form of Judas James McCarthy who will be glad of a game that he disnny get racist abuse. He is Accies 2nd top goalscorer wie an earth shattering 2 goals. Top goalscorer is Graham wie 3.

Celtc, who welcomed back Georgios Samaras, Glenn Loovens and Shunsake Nakamura back for the game against The 'Marnocks are still short of a full deck. We are still wieoot Hesselink (Hesselinkitis), Crosas (Hammie ouch),  McGeady (Loss of form ouch), Joe Doumbe (Who ouch?), Paddy McCourt (Just unfit ouch), Chris Killen (We are havin' a laugh ouch) and Artur Boruc (Dodgy goalie knee ouch).

We should have enough to overcome Relegated Hamilton who have lost 6 goals between 15 and 25mins and 7 goals between 35 and 45mins. Celtic have scored 5 and 7 goals in those periods. Will Scotlands 2nd top goalscorer, Georgios Samaras get the chance to regain top spot in that chart by starting the game and scoring in those weak Relegated Hamilton periods? Will Scott McDonald decide that he fancies scoring this week instead of improving on his impressive 7 assists this season?

Golden notebook changes could come in the midfield also. Nakamura maybe rested, Mo-Do may make way for Hartley or Robson and could KoKo The Mizuno come into the reckoning? Score? 4-0 wie McDonald scoring 2 of them.

Finto. I'm off to laugh at the geeks who play "World Of War Craft" and in no way feel embarressed that I get excited over Celtic stats the sameway they get excited by playing in a fantasy world killing fantasy zombies. It's just as bad as Football Manager, I tell you. And being a stat geek is mair cool than being a fantasy geek. We have better clothes and taste in music.

Hail Hails are open leave a comment on this pish if you can be bothered. Celtic homepage is here, LoTW profile page is here. Oh, Darren O'Dea and Aiden McGeady. Do none of the 33 LoTWites read the blog? Heh.

Forza.

*LoTW knows that 33.3% of the 33 LoTWites like Egg-Chasing.*

It's been a MASSIVE week for the new world outlook. The keyholders of the free world tore up their rulebook and made themselves cool again, Celtic scored a Big Cup goal, hurrah, cheating monkey-rat Kevin Thomson got injured, really this time he didnae kid on he was injured to escape a sending off, and is oot for the season and Bernie Ecclestone has made moves to become The Huns new spokesman regarding that song.

Bernie, in true Hun fashion, decided that guys painting their faces black, making monkey noises and wearing t-shirts proclaiming they were "Lewis Hamiltons family" was a "joke" and nothing to do wie racism. Oh, the banter then.

I hear the political wing of the R*ngers Trust are planning on using this example of banter to wash away their sins.

Celtic Spring Motherwells Offside Trap.

There was 11 offsides against Celtic on Saturday. The North Stand linesman was as overworked as Sarah Palins credit card in a shopping mall. Scott McDonald and Cillian Sheridan were caught mair often than a dead pike in the Clyde as their one-sided partnership seems on the verge of collaspe. Scott McDonald seems to thinks so as well...

"He's been injured a lot, but he came back pre-season and just blew everyone away. He's tall, he can run, he can finish, he has skill and he is one of the fittest guys I know" said the bush kangaroo noticing how Cillian is showing a lack of all of the above in recent games.

If Cillian came into the Dragon's Den and asked for £50,000 to contribute to his future development then this dragon would be oot. While Craig Beattie, whom Cillian has been likened to by this blog, looked like scoring, Cillian looks like this wee spell in the 1st team has damaged his confidence and that he goes home at night and hides under the covers wimpering.

But he is the 6th choice striker.

Oor manager was quite happy wie oor comfortable 2-0 victory over The 'Well. A goal as rare as haggis on highlands moorland from Paul Hartley, who celebrated old school style by running to the middle of the auld jungle, and Scott McDonald scored his 7th goal against his former club. GIRUY.

"....they started well in the first 20mins. We got oor second wind then and so did the crowd, because I think the crowd were like us- mentally tired from the Wednesday game- and once we got over all that we started playing some decent stuff and the game became easier for us" beamed wee Chesney while cursing the Hessellinkites that is gripping the club.

Possession stats of 57% is a decent returning considering Barry Robson kept on losing the ba' and looked like he was playing wie a ton of bricks on his back. Paul Hartley, Gary Caldwell and Scott Brown kept the team going and we had 5 shots on and 8 shots off target. Motherwell made Mark Brown, who looked pleased at being back in the team, see above, do some work and had a decent 4 shots on target in the 1st period. The sending off was harsh for Motherwell but I don't think it made any difference to the final result.

Free Falling 'Marnocks Come To CP.

Last time The 'Marnocks won at CP in 1054BC the future Scotland manager, Jim Jeffries, deployed a Stegosaurus in goal and a Diplodocus at centre half. The 'Marnocks are showing their true relegation form after a flirtation wie 3rd spot a few weeks back. 6 defeats in their last 8. 3 defeats in a row and no goals in the last 2. Their away record this season is W2 and L3 and they have lost all games when they have lost the 1st goal.

Celtic have a higher body count than Fred West's basement. Hesselink (Hesselinkitis), Crosas (Hammie ouch), Samaras (Oh-Ah-Ouch), Nakamura (Killie ouch), Maloney (Dead Leg ouch), McGeady (Loss of form ouch), Loovens (Bad hair ouch), Joe Doumbe (Who ouch?), Paddy McCourt (Just unfit ouch), Chris Killen (We are havin' a laugh ouch) and Artur Boruc (Dodgy goalie knee ouch) are all unavailable or struggling for this game.

So it's a case of who is still standing that will be noted in black ink on the managers golden notebook. Wie has havin' as much creativity available as the 'wattienaccio' solutions have to come from the youths. Oor manager praised the 2min contribution of Koki Mizuno on Saturday. "He did well when he came on and he really enjoyed it. He got the crowd going with his energy and movement so we are pleased with him". Also, Paul Caddis got a 40min runout when he did little to recapture his pre-season form. Barry Robson, as pointed out, looks like his boilersuit is weighing him down.

We should still have enough, even if we field Massimo Donati, Koki and Caddis to beat The 'Marnocks. In oor last 2 meetings we won 3-1. In those games oor scorers were Maloney, Samaras (2), Nakamura, McGeady and McDonald. Only McDonald is available from that little lot. A Celtic player has not scored against The 'Marnocks at CP since 2nd Jan 2007 when we won 2-0. Can you name the scorers that day? Nae prize just the knowledge yer an anorak.

We are unbeaten in oor last 8 games. We have scored 31 goals this season. 14 of those goals have come in the last 10 of the 1st half or the last 10 of the 2nd half. We have lost 13 goals this season and 10 of these goals have been in the 2nd period and we lost the only game we never scored first in.

Oor Hessellinkities means that teams have the best chance of beating us at this time. Oor lack of flair players is a worry. Skippy has scored 2 goals in the last 2 and we will have to look to him again to be the main goal threat. Ex-playerism is David Fernandez. He has scored 1 goal this season.

Can see another comfortable victory but that has mair to do wie future Scotland manager ineptness at producing a team capable of beating us rather than us being fantastic. Scott Brown to score anytime and 3-0 for LoTW.

Rumour O'Filter.

The News Of The World reported, after it had reported the latest Fizzy Pop League striker who has been caught 'roastin' a wannabee WAG wie a Tesco carrot, that Newcastle were prepared to offer upwards of £5m for unhappy Celtic midfielder Aiden McGeady. I'll let the LoTWites figure oot the mistruths in that story.

Some Mr 15% for some Croatian bloke say's Celtic have pulled oot a deal to sign the Amkar player. Tomislav Dujmovic is the player and his 15%er, Pedrag Racki, calls the SSM and John Park amkars wie this rage: "We had an agreement with Celtic, but for whatever reason they have decided to pull out the transfer. Dujmovic will now be staying in Russia" much to the disappointment of Mr 15%'s bank balance.

Hey Ho, that's it over. Hail Hails are open leave a comment on this pish if you can be bothered. Celtic homepage is here, LoTW profile page is here. I'm off to ponder why after getting the notion to bet a Middlesboro' and Spurs double yesterday why did LoTW decide to spend the £5 on sausages, eggs and bread for his breakfast instead? You can eat anytime but beating the bookies disnny happen every week.

Forza. 

Thanks to Number 7 from KDS for the picture, no, not the Hannibal Lecter one.

Yawn. Poor 2nd half, 'The Boys Of The Old Brigade' and Celtic fans wearing poppies were the main topics of conversation in Celticcybertimdom today. So I'm glad that The Guardian decided to publish a bit of comedy gold to stop me shaking my heid at my own today.

The sub headline say's it all for me. "With the return of Bawwy(8), Rangers have midfield strength Celtic can only dream about". It goes on to cream it's pants over the return of the most overrated player since Ian Durrant, and also one that husnae got a surname, pours petrol on the myth that is Scotland's Player Of The Year, Pedro Mendes and mentions Maurice Edu a player last seen playing hide and seek in an Austrian basement wie Andreas Velicka.

I'm sure the lackie that wrote this found great solace in the performance of Barry Robson, Paul Hartley, Scott Brown and Shaun Maloney against Hearts and never noticed that we were missing Aiden McGeady, Nakamura or hamstring-ouched Marc Crosas while pondering what he wrote.

Oh The Wee Huns Are Boomsung.

Hearts current incumbent and Bond Villian lookalike, Csaba Laszlo, who is not as hateable as other incumbents they have had, said before the game that it would take Heart Of Lithuiania 10 tiltles and a Big Cup win to be able to say they could compete wie Celtic. After the game that looked as likely as him being in a job by the end of the season.

Csaba did do us a favour. After Hearts went doon to 10 men- dodgy decision, Scott McDonald was ootside the box and offside so Paul Hartley taking pity and missing the resultant pen meant justice was done then evened up when Barry Robson was brought doon for a stonewaller later on, which was not given- he decided to make subs, which bordered on the laughable. This mean't that the 2nd half was played at snail pace as Celtic had their most comfortable afternoon at the Tynecastle Apartments for years.

Celtic, won 2-0 thanks to goals by Shaun Maloney, another goal of the season contender and a Gary Caldwell goal, which looked like it contained 2 handballs and a ball being out of play. Csaba said of the winning goal: " When I saw it again, it showed a hand being used but I'm not criticising the M.I.B, it was hard for him to see" unlike the media who are lynching the M.I.B for this decision.

The manager went for power and brought in the warhorses of Barry Robson and Paul Hartley who proved once again when it becomes a battle these SPL boilersuit wearers are the ones to be wheeled oot. Upfront, Scott McDonald was paired wie Craig Beattiealike Cillian Sheridan who ran around and eh, ran around.

Still, the stats don't back up the comfortable view of this victory. Celtic had their worst shot on target total since we last dared to play in the Big Cup wie 3. We were Lee Naylor off like wie 5 shots off goal and oor possession was a low 52.3%. Suppose this backs up the FACT the game was won by 49mins when Hearts went doon to 10.

Talking point of the day? The Wee Huns banner that said "Big Jock Beasted Hoopy" and was signed "F.T.P". Bob Malcolm is in the frame for this. Also, the questionable, in some quarters, singing that followed the removal of this banner by the vocal away support. The anti-rebel and pro-rebel brigades are on the warpath again. Wonder if Celtic or the SPL will say anything regarding this incident, which will take the focus away from a disgusting banner.

I hope the day Hearts cease to be is quite soon.  

Who The Fuck Are Man Utd?

"They are the best team in the world, they are far better than Italy or France", said oor manager showing disregard  for football's rules. Also, France are quite gash at the mo. More worryingly he rejoiced when talking aboot oor visit to Trafford Ball Park: "West Brom lost 4, Hull lost 4 and West Ham should have been 7 down by half time, so we are in good company".

I would rather be in better company than those relegation haunted vessels.

As usual the mythical home record of played 18, W12, D4 and L2 gets trotted oot and commented on from such no-mark rent-a-quote-money-grabbers like Lou Macari. He says: "Just as in the case of Celtic's poor away form in Europe, their home record is there for all to see" and just proving he knows he haw aboot the Celtic support on Big Cup nights: "If Celtic are playing against a team they are expected to beat and they struggle a bit, the fans get tetchy, but against Man Utd the fans will cheer them on all night" yes, until we lose the ball or don't hump it forward every 5 seconds.

Trying to look on the positive side on things, unlike the last time when oor manager decided to run up the whiteflag before a ball was kicked, he says regarding oor 29mins on competing at the Trafford Ballpark: "Everyone in the United camp said that it wasn't easy for them, it was hard work. They couldn't find a way through and Artur didn't have a shot at him"

We need to compete. A draw is a great result and could be required if Aalborg BK decide that they fancy their chances against Villarreal. A point could be vital if the race for the UEFA Vase spot. We can't let oor heids go doon if we go a goal behind we have got to make a game of it. Barry Robson nails it when he says: "We need to make sure we do get in their faces when we come out the traps and try and use our ability to the best we can to cause an upset"

Get them doon to oor level and see if they fancy it. Robson, Hartley and Brown will get dusted doon for this and the manager maybe feeling Shaun Maloney will be better alongside him on the bench for this one. Aiden and Naka will expect to play and Scott McDonald is a shoo in for a 1 up front role.

Nae respect, nae pack drill.

Oor task is huge. We don't create chances in the Big Cup. We are the only team not to score in this seasons competition, a stat that is Hun like, and Famagusta, Roma, Aalborg BK, Kiev and Bate, have equal or less than oor 8 shots on goal stat. Man Utd have yet to concede a goal in the Big Cup this season.

Set plays again anyone? We have scored from corners in oor last 3 outings. Stats show we willnae get many chances we require Naka to be on form and whip in dangerous set plays. Oor record at El Paradiso against English teams is decent. W4, D2 and L1 wie the loss coming to Notts Forest. Team USA United have only been beaten once on Scottish soil.

It's the hope that kills you but I fancy we will compete and sneak a 1-1 draw. Barry Robson will get on the end of a set play as he seems to score in big games.

Rumour O'Filter

The SSM, Peter Lawell came oot and said "We are in the business of winning championships, not cashing in on players. That means Nakamura is staying with us". He mumbled something aboot buying in January as well.

Gordon Strachan was heard to laugh at the thought of us signing a left-back, when 34yo Sylvinho was mentioned to him. Get a grip was his reaction.

Big week. I canny handle anymair south of the border gloating or the London Mancs being smug gits on Wednesday night. Let's get stuck in. Leave a Hail Hail (c'mon I know you want to), if you want to leave me a message my profile page is here and the Celtic hame page is here.

Forza

Welcome to the weekend LoTW, a weekend that hopefully we feast on 3 points and The Huns drop points at Easter Road after their extra time win in the Diddy Cup game between the 2nd and 3rd best teams in Glesga.

A few things came out of that game. One, why was Pedro 'Ladyman' Mendes not booked for leaving the field of play after his winner, why he isn't booked for being an ugly fleshpig I will never know, and will the we are not sectarian, tartan armylite, socialist leftie Doc Martin wearing students that support the 2nd best team in Glesga, be hammered for singing what they would like to do the Pope, which all Eastern European transvestites, Sasa Papac may apply here, would love to do to Pedro Mendes.

The draw for the Diddy Cup has been made and we travel to Kilmarnock again much to dwarf munching Billy Brown's dismay and the dismay of the Celtic fans. In between describing Jim Jeffries reaction to the draw he thought he would bring up that he thinks Mick McManus "might have battered David Fernandez" if he had dived for a pen.

These two are really the Wallace and Gromit of the SPL. Naw, Wallace and Gromit are loveable these two aren't.

Over on the good side, oor faltering captain has been talking about the groundbreaking rotation policy that oor manager has adapted. He waxes on aboot lots of games to be played and points out that Man Utd and Chelsea leave out players and don't get slaughtered for it. True, the big EPL clubs do chop and change. Liverpool, never have the same team from one week to the next, not that their boring and functional performances improve or suffer due to this policy.

Celtic, should have a good enough squad to make changes for certain games and still win the vast majority of them. Some players are better suited for certain games but as long as you have a solid backbone then little tweaks here and there should not matter. Saint Martins of O'Neills team had this backbone does Team 4?

The other night against Livingston we made 7 changes and oor performance level did not drop from the Kilmarnock game.But.....in the games against The Huns and Aalborg BK, oor 2 biggest games of the season so far, show that we have weaknesses.

Talking about backbone, you need a buzzbomb goal scoring midfielder and we haven't had one since Stan Petrov. Scott Brown was meant to be that player but we get Scott Brown laughing that he has just scored his first goal since December while forgetting the £4m we spent on him to be a buzzbomb goalscoring midfielder.

Scott Brown has been a bit of an enigma since he joined. He has been compared to the heidless one that was Tommy Gravesen. There have been understandable circumstances but are we beginning to see why we bought him? I reckon since Alalborg BK, when he had a decent 2nd half, he has been superb. Still 10 goals from him is not a lot to ask is it?

Aberdeen bring themselves to CP this weekend. After 3 defeats the pressure is on Jimmy Calderwood, the fake tanned, orange tinged turnip that he is. This game, if played on paper and not a 100 yards of green would be an easy victory. Celtic, at training this week, would have been watching the DVD's of Aberdeen like a big feck off brid of prey watches a 3 legged lamb in a field while thinking easy meat.

But.....The Sheep won on their last visit to CP in a park the bus type performance. They are as usually as dangerous as a blind, toothless ferret and have lost 14 goals and only scored 2 on their last 7 visits to CP. I would expect the bus to be parked again today but oor manager say's that they may attack.

I think the manager also sums up how the Celtic fans are feeling at the moment, he says.....

This has been a good spell. At the time, as a manager, you can look and say we’re winning, and that’s satisfying but the way we’re playing is immensely satisfying. I think everybody is enjoying it at the moment.”

Hopefully the memory of The Fake Tanned Orange Tinged Turnip celebrating the last time he visited CP will spur us on to a comfortable victory.

Forza

Midweek LoTW, goals, crap rumours, madness and bawbaggery. Let's start wie the bawbaggery.

Jim Jeffries, bawbag and greeting faced, has decided that Celtic players need to live wie getting slapped after winning penalties. He also moans that wee teams are treated differently while polishing the wee team chip on his shoulder.

No mention that it's a sending off if any player strikes another player, like the Kilmarnock player did, and no mention of, what oor manager was trying to highlight, that Setanta have not mentioned the incident and you can bet yer bottom dollar that the next time a Celtic player banjo's someone the biggest Kangaroo Court since Skippy (the kangaroo not the player) was done for koala porn on his laptop will be called. Nasty business.

Let's not let auld fannybaws get us down. Celtic marched into the quarter finals of the Diddy Cup last night wie a 4-0 victory against Livingston. Goals from Glenn Loovens, Scott Brown  and another double from Georgios Samaras. The goals are here, here, here and here.

The manager decided to make changes wie rotation being the new buzzword at CP. Make no mistake, the proof that we now probably have the best squad options, attacking and midfield wise anyway, at CP under GS and we really do have 'quality' to come on from the bench to change the games or to rotate when needed. Whether he makes the right decisions is another question.

For the game last night the manager made 7 changes from the team that won at Kilmarnock. In came Aiden McGeady, Glenn Loovens, Paul Hartley, Paul Caddis, Scott McDonald, Massimo Donati and Andy Hinkel who still didn't impress.

These changes could have disrupted the team but it didn't. The new found pace in the final third that team 4 has developed was too much for Livingston, just as it has been for Motherwell and Kilmarnock, wie Samaras, Scotland's top goalscorer, McGeady, McDonald, Donati in the first 65mins and then Scott Brown having a field day wie the movement and pace in this area.

Aiden McGeady can be pleased wie his nights work. He was as rampant as a rabbit on viagra and one 70 yard run in the 2nd period, which ended up wie him hitting the post would have surpassed Sammy's goal on Sunday. Samaras, again, is looking like a player and at 22 I'm sure the board are sniffing a sell on value. Scott McDoanld should have scored a few but looks to be a bit crusty round the mince pie mid-drift. Shaun Maloney came on and won the same penalty that he has won in the last 2 games. The M.I.B's must be questioning this as that's 3 games in a row we have been awarded a chance to miss from 12 yards.

So all in the manager was pleased. He was pleased wie Scotland's top goalscorer- who must be a stick on for the Player Of The Month award- and praised Aiden while hiding his dislike for him. So things are looking good but why does the urge comeover LoTW to bottle these moments of contentment and smugness to sniff at a later date when it all goes pear-shaped?

Things don't look to good for Livingston. After having a mad Irishman in charge who nearly run them to rack and ruin they now have a mad Italian called Angelo Massone in charge who states that Celtic have the budget to win the Big Cup. Wie this grasp of reality I'm sure the banks are waiting eagerly for the 'For Sale' sign to appear once again at Livingston but Massone probably thinks Livingston could win the UEFA Vase wie a budget that affords him, the delights of loaning out Rocco Quinn from us.

In another example of the world going mad, the usually spot on Channel 4 Football Italia website has run a story written in never, neverland that Hernan Crespo is considering a switch to Celtic after being given the cold shoulder from the not so special one for the 2nd time in his career. We are nowhere near the transfer window opening and all ready the 'Bullshitometer' has had an outing. It's as red as Jim Jeffries greeting face, which means never will happen.

Can you really see Hernan taking a £100,000 per week wage cut to be a sub? Is this another Sharp Suited Man 'Moonbeam' to be filed under Pavyulchenko, Razen Rat and Darren Bent.  

One that hasn't got the 'bullshitometer' turning as red is this rumour regarding Dominic Cervi an American keeper who based himself on Sly Stallone in the famous fitba film "Escape To Victory" a game, which much like The Huns ECWC Final in 1972 never got finished due to a pitch invasion.

Anyway, oor man in the USA, Rudyflyer, has posted a scary picture and some background on this 'Soccer Jock'. One things for sure...he is uglier than Mark Brown!!!! What this means for Mark Brown remains to be answered.

But enough of rumours and ugly goalies. The Celtic 2nd XI beat The Thugish Reserve Huns 3-1 yesterday despite an increase in reported assults in the Airdrie area yesterday afternoon. Celtic had one player carried off after 1 minute and Joe Doumbe decided that he had, had enough after 44 minutes. Sounds like Koki Mizuno, Ben Hutchinson and Paddy McCourt came in for some hefty treatment, which proves that thugishness is inbreed when it comes to Huns.

Nice to hear, that skill won over brawn.

That's it. Midweek LoTW is over. It was free and no I won't post Nacho Ratboy's address and phone number but thanks for the e-mithers and the texts anyway. So, Friday will see a preview of the visit of The Sheep and hopefully a chance to laugh at Tango and Sash.

Forza. 

Two Of Celtic-Cyber-Timdoms Main Men Have A Protest In The Car Park 

All, LoTWites should be 'up' for Super Saturday. According to the press it will be a day for wearing kilts and getting your face painted as we watch Andy Murray get beat, again, from Rafal Nadal and watch George Burley's get the first part of his P45 as The Scots swelter and melt to a meek defeat in Macedonia.

LoTW is really worried that 5 Celtic players will be in that starting line up. The goat called scape, which comes out after every Scotland defeat will comedown hard on Caldwell, McManus, Brown, Hartley and Robson. So much so, that the clamour for the 'New Hutton' Kirk Broadfoot to be included against Iceland, after 1 decent game in 18 months, will reach biblical proportions.

Anyway, for once this summer it looks like Celticcybertimdom is in agreement. The feeling of being cheated coupled with the humilation of last Sunday, have The Huns released a DVD yet?, have meant that protests in the car park seem not to far away.

The 'USSM' seems to have been found out as a man of spin, smoke and mirrors while the spinners of these monnbeams, called 'moonbeamers' have went into hiding with no arguments of stats to back up the boards signing policy, or lack of one, this summer.

A thread on KDS informed, well researched by HMW Tim, that Celtic's wage bill dwarfs The Huns and it is probably at it's highest level for years, maybe ever. Have we now reached the same stage as we did under Saint Martin Of O'Neill when the footballing side is bursting at the financial seams loaded with average players earning above average wages?

Seems to be the case as 'Heid Porno Lackie' David Sullivan stated during the week, that if 'The Chief Executive Of Bobo Balde' comes to an agreement with Celtic, i.e. one that see's 'The Chief Executive Of Bobo Balde' already vast pension being made even vaster by another million or so, then he may still sign for The Brum.

The USSM has already paid off one on the biggest mistakes in the clubs history this summer. Thomas Gravesan was given the largest contract since Paul Lamberts agent retired to Monaco on his 15% and cost us a Shaun Maloney or a Pavlyuchenko left gonad to get him out of it. If the wage structure is creaking under the weight of these wallets then pay off's should have been factored in this summer.

Only Evander Sno, whose transfer fee we used to buy Shaun Maloney, and Derek Riordon, who left for Hibs in a deal worth £500,000 less than Lancashire giants Burnley offered a few months back, were the 1st teamers that left along with 'The Grav'. Not big earners both of them.

On the surface it seems that we are struggling to keep the costs down and this has had a detrimental effect on the signings we have made. The squad needed to be improved and trimed at the same time but this hasn't been done.

It's a longway to January.

Enough, of this bollocks. It was turning into CQNlite there. Let's get back to what this blog is unfamed for. Yes, bolloxs and sarcasim.

First to to poke his large heid over the trenches, after The Huns defeat was Gary Caldwell. He mumbled something about being 'Champions' and showing 'last year we are strong enough to do it, that we can do it and we will do it again this year.' before being replaced by Mick...

....who mumbled something about being 'Champions' and 'We showed our character and resilience last year and we have to do that again.'.....next up was Skippy McDonald.....yes, you guessed it said  “We showed true strength last time around, a real determination to win.”

Yawn......

I did like what Skippy surmised though....

“Sunday was tough because the result was a big blow. You can argue about who feels it worse, the supporter or player, but I would say the players take it harder."

I heard a 'fan' on the way out on Sunday say he was embarressed to be a Celtic fan. I'm never embarressed to be a Celtic fan but I have always hoped the players, when they produce terrible performances, are embarressed to call themselves Celtic players.

Seemingly, there was a Monday morning inquest for the players after that defeat, an inquest where all the players were probably told what to say to the press, see above. Our manager said quite worryingly..

"Sometimes players don't even know where they have gone wrong so that's what we did on Monday. We pointed stuff out and we kept it in-house."

...so the players don't know being 2nd best, losing 4 goals and being humped at home by Kenny Miller, Kirk Broadfoot, the worse fullback in Scotland, and Nacho Novo (Ratboy, who lives.........in a house somewhere in Scotland) is wrong then we really have a problem.

To the real deal. We have been drawn with Livingston in the Co-op Cup, a trophy that could be the best chance for us to win something this season. In truth, we should just use the Arsenal blueprint for this trophy. Lets play the youngsters and tell them no matter how far we get or who we get they will still keep their place in the team.

So that will be going out on pens to Livingstone then.

Forza

 Celtic's Title Hopes Head Clydewards

It's a sad day when the biggest cheer from the home support is when Daniel 'Thuglife' Coosans was sent off for his 150th offence. The light at the end of the tunnel was in fact a train coming the other way as Jan Vennegoor- here as known as fannybaws- got sent off for a stupid kick out at Kirk Broadfoot who is the worse full back in Scotland.

Yes, after Celtic's 4-2 defeat from average R*ngers on Sunday it felt like you had been booted in the baws and the sleepless night that followed was spent worrying about how unsurprised I was at the inept performance, another to add to the list of inept performances under our manager, and also that maybe we just watched our title hopes slow marched over the river to the tune of the last post.

The day started off great. Beachballs, flying lilos and passports but it ended with the revenge of Kenny Miller who usually, and won't for a few months, threaten any bovine animals with a banjo. I hated the fact that we thought he was worth booing. He has proved to be unworthy of air as he would sell his granny for £20,000 a week and he is not bothered who he looks uncomfortable playing for. He will score in Scotlands forthcoming defeats then not score again until March.

LoTW was sitting wondering why we were 4-1 down when a fellow LoTWite said

"Disappointing eh?"

"That's a fucking understatement" I guffawed.

So, what caused that "understatement"..

The Holy Goalie once again sold another game against them. He was at fault for 3 of the goals and dispite his podgy frame was the shadow of his former self on Sunday. He quite rightly 'got it tight' from Scotlands Shame' but if he dishes it out he has to take it. He is now big enough to take it.

The 'Ballad of Lee Naylor' was so tuneful after Sundays game. The non-performance of Andy Hinkel and the foolishness of playing a right footed player at LB, which along with Boruc cost us the game, makes us thankful that Joe Doumbe will soon be leaving the Big Brother House. With no SPL or Championship LB deciding to grace us with their not so graceful game, we have to make do with the pig ears we have.

'Heid and Hoof' had not too bad games despite getting a beasting from a thug in blue. Still losing 4 goals at home means that they have to be held cupable to some degree. Hanging maybe?

The midfield turned up and didn't do much. Paul Hartley, was on the park and went about his job but was faced with better performers on the day while Scott Brown continued his threatening behaviour, which may turn into a performance one day. Barry Robson came on and done nothing much. But he must be wondering how Scott Brown continues to get a game before him and Marc Crosas must go to sleep having nightmares that he has ended up at Celtic.

Another 'Glesga Derby' bypassed Nakamura like the M74 and Aiden McGeady will have to get his arse out of Kirk Broadfoot's pocket, he is still the worst full back in Scotland despite him having his best game for eons, before we play next. 

Up front, Shaun Maloney flitted in and out the game while Georgios Samaras now cemented his place as the 1st choice striker with his 3rd goal in 2 games and his hold up play was better than it has been. Ben Hutchison came on looking unfit and ballooned a late chance into the Jock Stein Stand.

We had too many passengers on the day. Too many players just turned up and went through the motions and our manager one again proved that when the chips are down he can't or doesn't have the guts to change it. As I said earlier, I fully expect other inept performances this season when our 'right good players' go missing. Our manager has to find the solution to this problem. Hell, he has only had 3 years to find it.

Sunday is just a blip in the bigger picture.

LoTW wasn't expecting us to sign the earth. In fact, I laughed out loud when I read the 'Moonbeams' of Pavlyuchenko and Darren Bent. The long ball game that we partook in with Tamas and Basa didn't annoy me as I understood that we had to get value for money and that the Mr 15% were chancers but I trusted the SSM.

How wrong was LoTW. The SSM should have a new moniker. The USSM. The Un-Sharp Suited Man as this transfer window he has either not done his job correctly- signing quality players at a reasonable rate and getting rid of deadwood- or he has been let down badly by the moneymen- whose aim is just to stay just ahead of The Huns and make up numbers in the Champions League- and has been trying to do deals with one hand tied behind his back and using marked cards when he sat round the table.

Whatever we deserve answers but we won't get answers as we are only the customers.

Last week, when paired against Man Utd, Villarreal and AaB, the USSM said

"Time is now against us but you never know what can happen in the last two or three days of the window. Our mission is to strengthen so let's wait and see what we can do."

I reckoned that running around in the last few days of the window for any sort of player is something I hoped we wouldn't be doing, if we were even looking, which I don't think we were. The article states that we spent nearly £7m quid this summer....I think it's closer to just over £5m and  as for strengthen......

Our signings this summer are Paddy McCourt for £250,000, now i don't reckon we will see Paddy until he rolls out for Hibs in 18 months time. Next up was Georgios Samaras, a player we knew about 3 seasons ago (before we signed Jan Vennegoor) and who we had on loan last season. £1.2m secured his services when we realised that 1) He was cheap 2) He was cheap and no-one else was as cheap.

Then came Marc Crossas, a player that we signed via a DVD, another scoop for our scouting system, from Barca for £450,000. Up next was Glenn Loovens for £2.5 who was scouted extensively for 2 games in the Algrave, after The Huns pointed us in his direction and  Tamas/Basa said they wanted to much money, cocaine or a bookies account.

Finally came Shaun Maloney, a player we sold then chased for 18 months to bring him back. We brought him back for around a £1m. I make that £5.35m approx. And for that money we only have one player that improves the first team right away.

Not one of them a left back...not even a 'Ballad of Lee Naylor' type left back.

The manager was more telling regarding the summer inactivity he said..

"Things have not materialised the way we would have liked."

..with that he either means the players he targeted didn't want to come or he didn't have the money to buy these players unless he sold players to fund moves. The saga of Bobo Balde proves, to me, he needed Balde of the wage bill to get players in.

Then this story appears regarding Jan Vennegor. We were willing to sell one of our big game players and not give us time to buy a replacement. Was Vennegor the big wage casualty since Bobo wasn't going anywhere? Some assest management that. Sell a first teamer because a reserve wouldn't move.

This summer has been the most disappointing since Seville. We have not added to the quality of the first team, we have not got rid of the squad players and deadwood and dispite being in a position of power we have failed to bury The Huns of the park.

Day's like Sunday, watching the blight on society celebrate, could become more common if the management don't get it right from now on in.

Ah, but feck it.....lets hang on the phone for 40mins for our Champions League package like the lemmings we are. By tomorrow I'm sure I will think Mark Wilson will do at LB....

Forza